Can I Move On?

It's been two weeks now, since the "overstayed their welcome" people have left.  They lived with us for 16 months.   This experience left me with trauma I never expected.  I'm thinking, by writing about it, maybe I can purge myself of some of the trauma, and figure out how I can come back to a more normal existence.

There are far more things going on the world right now that will grab peoples' attention.  Maybe I'm just boo hooing, as my mum would say.  

I'm not even sure what to write about all this.  I'm having trouble putting it into words.  It's all about feelings.  It's about a prolonged period of abuse.  How did this happen?

We offered the family a place to go, as they'd lost their house due to foreclosure.  But what led to the foreclosure was not completely disclosed.  The three were in shambles, fighting one another, physically and verbally.  Maybe we were hopeful we could help repair what ailed them.  They are/were family to us, after all.

So much happened during the first few weeks with us, it was obvious not much could be done to repair anything.  It only made us physically sick.  My migraines and blood pressure went out of the roof.  No amount of talking could make it better.  It was early on that I knew they had to leave.  I wanted my life back.  

I was thrown into a situation I could not control.  Unfortunately, my SO felt he could not make them leave.  Too much guilt involved.  They were, after all, sick themselves:  recovering from brain tumor removal, cancer, mental illness.  They had "no where" to go.  

This went on for weeks.  Then it was too cold to push them out.  The calender turned the page to 2020.  Soon it was a year anniversary since they came.  

I find it hard to go into details about what exactly they did to me.  It hurts too much.  But I will tell you I have NEVER been talked to like that, ever in my life.  I'm pretty tough, but these things changed some of the chemistry in my brain, I think.  And the worst part?  The mom attempted to cover up for the son who said those things.  And she also said he wasn't talking about me or to me.  It's like when someone says something to your face, then tries to tell you it never happened.  That's called "gaslighting."  Look it up.

I'm getting upset writing this.  Not sure this is a good idea.  

I need to move on, and leave this period of my life behind me.   I'm not entirely sure how long it will take me to get over this.  In case you're wondering, yes I do rely on my faith in God to take care of me and help me every day.  I'm not exaggerating my experience either.  I prayed to God every day to help me and be strong for me.

I am feeling a lot of relief they are gone.  I can't get these months back.  My positivity was affected, and my productivity as well.  I wanted to take control of the situation but could not.  My hands were tied.  I tried to deal with it the best I could.  All I can do is thank God every day they are gone, and move forward.   I'm so ready for some good things to happen.