"Literally holding my breath. Waiting for the next thing to happen. Not feeling a foundation underneath me."
I used to be able to fill in the time with other productive things while not doing patchwork or knitting. It was a break time to catch up with organizing, or cleaning, or just leaving the house. Now, not so much.
There’s been an increase in the amount of stress here in the last year, and it’s almost the anniversary now of all the beginning of that stress. The year has pretty much flown by. I still hope this coming year will be better and bring some relaxation and more happiness. It’s not looking to promising right now.
So, I still need my lifeline - knitting - to carry me through. I can take it with me like a security blanket small enough to fit in my purse, but now I have project bags that are easy to carry. I can sit with it in any room, and keep my mind occupied no matter what’s going on around me. I have something pretty to look at and concentrate on too. I can shut out what ever is going on, but still be present and aware of what’s happening. Or I can just totally shut everyone out, even if they try to get my attention.
After all that’s happened in the last year, I feel like I just want to be alone. That’s not going to happen for a while either. And probably when it does happen, I won’t like it very much. Then I’ll be craving for the chaos. It’s either is going to rain, or it’s going to pour.
I never know what’s going to happen anymore and I realize more now than ever that my plans don’t mean much. I can’t predict with any certainty what ‘s going to happen next. So, should I throw caution to the wind?? No I think I will just try to make myself as happy as possible and not care too much what other people think of me, and just continue to do my thing, no matter what that is.......
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