Missing A Friend!

Hello everyone!
I don’t have as much time to blog as I once did, but I think about it every day!
I’ve been living with a few new people ever since last year, and some of it hasn’t been so nice. I’ve even gotten sick over it a few times, due to the stress.  That’s not fun, my friends.  In the past, I’ve gotten sick from bacteria or viruses, but not from stress.  It is harder to get well from stress related illness than other causes, in my opinion.  You can not take a pill and make your circumstances change.  YOU are the one who has to learn to adapt.
I have tried to be my best self as much as I can, but I am human, and we know that means I am weak.
However, somehow, I have been able to block out the worst things that bother me.  I have to say it is the HolySpirit helping me. I have no other explanation.
A couple weeks ago, the “people” crossed a line that can not be tolerated, so they must leave for real very soon. They were supposed to leave six months ago but.....didn’t happen...
Now there is no staying on, no grace period.  The grace periods are all used up.  Like I said, a line was crossed that can NOT be tolerated.
This is particularly hard on the hubby.  He has a heart so full of mercy. But things have become more hurtful than merciful. We pray and ask for guidance all the time.  It’s frustrating to not be able to have things the way you want them, but maybe this is just for the best.

I have turned towards knitting as a solace and a comfort this past year.  It has been good. But it took me four months to make Andrea Mowry’s Old Port Hat.  I kept knitting it and ripping and knitting and ripping, etc. It was like Groundhog’s Day, the movie.  I did finish it.  I wanted to give it up.
Now I am working on finishing Lesley Anne Robinson’s Dottie Jane shawl, and am sure I don’t have enough yarn!  That bothers me, but I’ll have to figure out a proper ending, once I get closer to the end of the yarn.  There really are no substitutes as it’s hand dyed yarn.  I’m about 40 yards short.  I didn’t pay enough attention to the yardage requirements in the beginning, so all my fault!
GOOD NEWS!  I had enough to finish the main color for this shawl, after all!  I kept on knitting last night and made it through!  Seems like there's always more than you think there is, which is a good thing. 5-04-20.

In patchwork and quilting, there are lots of ways to fix mistakes.  It’s a little bit harder with knitting.  My first skill is sewing, and knitting now has become a very close second.  It’s so very much more portable than sewing, unless you are patching by hand. But I love both, with all my heart.
I am missing my distant cousin/pen pal.  I’ve been writing her for over 30 years!  She passed the beginning of April.  She was my last regular letter writer.  I recieved an Easter card from her after her passing.  So it was one of her last things she wrote.  I am so honored she thought of me in her last moments. I really miss her.  She was 81.
My dad’s parents passed away before I was born.  My mother’s mom died at 92.  (Granny Lill).  My mother passed at 90 (Dottie Rose),  my dad’s sister at 98 (Aunt E).  I am in my sixties, so I hope to be around for a little while yet.  😊
We may be starting a very small farming operation this year.  It is so pretty here.  We have room for several animals, and a good garden.  So we shall see....
Hope you all are well and keep having faith in God.  He will see us through!

Sheepdom

A little foray into a sheep abode.  Hope you all are well.

Peace!

Sad - Ripping

Old Port hat

Sadly, I have come to the conclusion I must rip my stitches back to where they numbered 84. 

I am devastated.  I tried to adjust my knitting to a smaller number, which really gets complicated when doing the final decreases towards the top of the hat.  It's just a hat, I thought I could keep working with it.  But I realize I cant. 

I have a hard time believing no one else seems to have the same problems I have.  Projects on Ravelry just seem like such a breeze, even for beginners.  I am not a beginner,  but I guess I am challenged on one of my mental levels-- I'm aging.  It takes me longer to figure things out.

The good news is I love Brioche knitting, I like challenges, and it is only a hat. 

I have big dreams for myself and my knitting projects.  So many beautiful yarns and patterns from so many young, talented designers.  I' ll keep going, as long as I can hold the needles!

Oh and I love sheep!

Knitting As A Lifeline

"Literally holding my breath.  Waiting for the next thing to happen.  Not feeling a foundation underneath me."

That’s how I feel if I'm not knitting every spare moment.  Between projects, to let my hands heal a bit, makes me feel a bit like flotsam in the sea.  Tensions rise, bickering increases, boredom sets in. 

I used to be able to fill in the time with other productive things while not doing patchwork or knitting.  It was a break time to catch up with organizing, or cleaning, or just leaving the house.  Now, not so much.

  There’s been an increase in the amount of stress here in the last year, and it’s almost the anniversary now of all the beginning of that stress.  The year has pretty much flown by.  I still hope this coming year will be better and bring some relaxation and more happiness.  It’s not looking to promising right now.

So, I still need my lifeline - knitting - to carry me through.  I can take it with me like a security blanket small enough to fit in my purse, but now I have project bags that are easy to carry.  I can sit with it in any room, and keep my mind occupied no matter what’s going on around me.  I have something pretty to look at and concentrate on too.  I can shut out what ever is going on, but still be present and aware of what’s happening.  Or I can just totally shut everyone out, even if they try to get my attention.

After all that’s happened in the last year, I feel like I just want to be alone.  That’s not going to happen for a while either.  And probably when it does happen, I won’t like it very much.  Then I’ll be craving for the chaos.  It’s either is going to rain, or it’s going to pour.

  I never know what’s going to happen anymore and I realize more now than ever that my plans don’t mean much.  I can’t predict with any certainty what ‘s going to happen next.  So, should I throw caution to the wind??  No I think I will just try to make myself as happy as possible and not care too much what other people think of me, and just continue to do my thing, no matter what that is.......