I never wanted to be like my mother. I never wanted to be her. But somehow, subconsciously, I think I've become a lot like her.
I have some of her temperment, some of her ailments and problems.
I even look a LOT like her.
I never wanted to look like her.
She was always overweight, except when she got much older.
My mother was heavy set. Now I'm heavyset.
My arms. I used to be so afraid of having sagging skin under my upper arms. Now I have it, but my arms look like hers did when she was very strong. Arms, big and strong.
A belly. Fat around the middle.
I am fat around the middle, but I am told I at least, "have a figure."
Meaning: one can still determine the top from the waist to the bottom.
The truth is, I have always been more comfortable with the heavier set in my life.
I subconsciously sought out friends who are overweight.
My mother, my aunts, they were all pretty much overweight. I am overweight.
But I don't mind it like I used to.
There are prettier clothes out there for bigger women now than there used to be.
I'm comfortable with myself.
I look at myself in the mirror and see my mom.
I also see my grandmother's fine wrinkles on my face and arms.
I see the varicose veins on my legs, like mom.
I see the very fine wrinkles on my neck and upper chest like all of the above, and
I think of them all:
Aunt E., Aunt G., Aunt M., Grandma, and mom.
They are all gone now, but I still see them in myself.