Moving On!

 “Sometimes I see you pass outside my door.

Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” -  Lionel Ritchie

I must say, yes, I can move on, and have moved on, however slowly.

It’s five months since the toxic people left my home. It hasn’t been easy to recover.  It’s like removing tar from your skin.  You scrub and scrub and use some kind of chemical to get it clean.  Then there’s a residual stain that just wants to hang on.

But then again, there are some new, hopeful thoughts that start replacing the old, destructive ones.  Like this:

“And Jesus knows turns you never heard of, makes roads you wouldn’t have dreamed of, makes miracles happen exactly where you never would have imagined. 

There is a reason He is called The Way.”   Ann Voscamp

I believe this statement to be true, as I have received God’s encouragement and hope and guidance when things got a little shaky.  There isn’t any other source, for me, that I can count on when things are tough.  

This is the kind of faith my mother taught me.  God rest her soul.  I miss her, despite all the conflicts we ever had.   

So down I go, to my basement playroom!  It has a pellet stove now, so it’ll be nice and cozy when the weather is less than warm.  I have knitted two pair socks and one hat in the last few months, now it’s time to work with different textiles!

I’ll give you a tour very soon of the “Playroom”.  It’s properly organized and is a very pleasant place to be.  I have two full length windows facing east, so it is quite good light.

See you again soon.

Too Good Not to Share: Notes From Beginning of 2019

Dear World:

I am running out of people to write letters to.

Christmas was pretty fun, but after that, it seems like the world exploded.

Lots of things have happened.  I feel a need to make note of them like on Star Trek, "Captain's log, Stardate 41153.7. . . . "

~~~~

“Maker’s Log, early 2019.”  The world is exploding.  Everyone in government has lost my confidence, while they have lost their minds.  They’ve forgotten that government is for the people. 

I finished my second brioche knitting project, a triangular shawl, in a repetitive leaf pattern, using a pale pink color yarn and a deep reddish burgundy color named, “Poison.”  It’s beautiful.  I think I’m glad I finished it, but now there’s a void to fill.

Working on a sock pattern, and a mitten pattern.  Both are messing with me.  I think I’d rather let brioche knitting drive me crazy than a simple sock.  I think I found my next brioche project already.....

~~~~

My littlest companion died on me.  Yes, my Maddy Lou left me, after 11 years.  I conducted my own little funeral for her, playing “In The Sweet By and By” song at her burial.  I wrapped her in my old green sweater, and laid her in the ground at my pet cemetary.  I miss her so much.  I spent a lot of time taking care of her since she was a puppy.

She came from Alabama and was hell on wheels ever since.  She bit everyone, even me.  It ended up that I was the one who would groom her.  She hated anyone touching her feet, her back legs, her hiney, but mostly her face.  Oo la, la.  So what part does that leave?  She didn’t mind me shaving her back, belly or neck. Big deal. Best little watchdog I ever had.   Saying “What is that??” would elicit a growl and alert stance.  Telling her “Watch ‘im!” and she’d go over to whomever I wanted her to watch and she’d stand there and growl. She looked prim when trimmed, but she was a scrappy ball of fire, just like a junk yard dog.  And she’d boss those rottweilers around like nobody’s business.  Pull them around by their cheek flaps.  All twenty two pounds of her.  Loved that girl.

“I am in mourning.”  – Stands With A Fist

~~~

Family emergencies popped up, all at the same time.  Bankers buying back houses, evictions, mental illness, life threatening surgery, pending back surgery.  Not ratting on family.  Secrets and lies.  They are all looking for a way to survive.  Calls in the middle of the night.  Driving somewhere to pick someone up.  Feeding, sheltering, advising.  Surviving.  The funny thing is, if any of them moved in with us, we’d either be like the Kilcher’s in Alaska, but more probably like the Donovan’s in New York.  (Yuc, yuc, guteral laugh.)

   (BTW:  Low income housing is in short supply. If you are in a position to do something about it– DO IT.)

~~~

In the midst of all that, having to listen to someone close say they think they are going to die during their upcoming surgery,  but not having any life threatening conditions.  It sounds like a plea to die, just to get “out”.   Out of the worries and stress of this life.  I do not want this. Then the constant, “You’re not going to get a boyfriend if something happens to me are you?”  “That’s what you’ll do when I’m in the hospital– go out partying, right?  Is that what you’re going to do when I’m dead?”  How in the world do you get it through someone’s head, even after 20 years, that you’re NOT that kind of person???  Even after you’ve practically given up everyone, and everything, just so you could please them, and reassure them that you’re not going anywhere?  Well, the answer is you can’t.  It won’t matter what you do or say, you can not change someone’s inner insecurity, or their mental status.  You may be able to affect them temporarily, but it seems their long-term inner workings won’t change.  These people have to grow out of it themselves, and apparently, some people never do.  So you put up with their whining harassment of you or you don’t.   This is my life now.  But I can adjust to how I react to it, and I am getting better at doing that.

~~~

The neighbor’s cows got loose, and lived it up on grass for a about a week.  Then there was a little 3-horse stampede up the driveway after that.  No real harm done, just some cow piles left for the dogs to (UGH) sniff and lick (EWWWW.)  NO –  I do not encourage that.  For some reason, dogs inherently want to eat other animals’ poo.  They seem to especially like rabbit poo and deer poo.  Think about that the next time you let them lick your face. “Awwww, you cutesy, utesey, baby girrrrrl!  I love ya!”    Smooch, smooch.  Lick.......  It’s better just to give them hugs, okay?  Which mine get on a daily basis.  Also, don’t kiss your chickens on the lips either, EMMkayyy??

~~~

I finished one mitten in all this time, this early 2019.  It looks pretty cute.  It’s for a little waif, who said her hands were cold....This one charges me $2.00 a dozen for some of the best eggs on the planet.  She’s the youngest farmer I ever met.  And she loves me.

~~~

Some people within the Catholic church are really having “Come to Jesus” confrontations, aren’t they?  Seems like the church organization is going through a purge.  Jesus said He would do that.  It needs it.  I still like reciting the Rosary– it has become very comforting to me.  I also like the hymns we sing, and the basic needs the beliefs fill in my soul.  The Holy Family.  If I had revered this idea earlier in my life, I think sometimes I wouldn’t have made the mistakes I made, and hurt the people I hurt.  I asked a knowledgeable priest one time why the crucifix as our supreme symbol.  He said, “It’s to remind us of what Jesus did for us.”  It is not for any sadistic reasons, as some people want to think.  And as for Mary, the mother of Jesus.  She had to be a very holy person for God to choose her as Jesus mother.

I know so many of you don’t like the Catholic religion.  I myself, was raised in a Swedish Lutheran church.  The Lutheran church, was founded on Martin Luther’s Protestant reformation of the Catholic church.  My dear mother made sure she let us know her feelings about Catholicism.  (Not good.)  It’s funny though, how all of us married Catholics....

~~~

Apparently, my body is very good at making kidney stones.  I don’t have a clue how to stop this from happening.  The doctors say drink lemonade, not iced tea.  That still doesn’t stop it.  Just another thing I have to live with. 

~~~

Seems like everyone I know is troubled lately.  I really hope and pray things get better this year instead of worse.  In the meantime, I will continue to MAKE as much as I possibly can, as this fulfils a need in my soul to create beautiful, useful things.  I am still looking for my protégé to carry on what I have started in this life.  I am NOT dying. Yet.  I’d just like to hand over some of the knowledge and skills I have to someone younger, while I still have the ambition to do it.

~~~

I wish I could go live in Scotland somewhere for about a year.  Sometimes I feel I need a different perspective on life.  But as a consolation, due to the terrain and the weather here on this mountain, I can pretend I am in Scotland or England when I feel like it.   There may also be some sheep in my future!!  My own little, dumb little critters, who need worming and heels trimmed all the time.  But it would be worth it.  I’ll let you know....

“What do you want most in life?”   “World Peace,” the pageant contestant said.

XXOO, BB

Jesus is Enough.....

Jesus is Enough.....

I want to write you about Jesus,

and how much He can fill your heart,

especially if you feel abandoned,

lonely, or if you feel as though

you have nothing.

~

I met Him personally,

through the Holy Spirit,

back in February 1978.

~

There are certain people whom

you’ll come across in life who

just EXUDE Jesus love.

~

Lester Sumrall, an evangelist,

was one of those people.

I was watching his Saturday morning

program, and I can’t recall all his words now,

but it was such a sincere message.

It was a gentle voice, of how much love

Jesus has for me (and you).

~

I was a young adult then, living at home

on the farm, between college and a job.

I was really doing some soul searching.

I was sincerely seeking meaning to my life,

and a direction. I felt the Holy Spirit

tugging on my life, all my life it seems,

but I really needed to know Jesus existed.

~

Well, He showed up!

~

After watching the program, I took my

camera and went for a walk on our farm.

I knew every inch of that place.

~

It was cold, it was February. There was

plenty of snow on the ground, but it was

sunny and beautiful.

~

I walked to one of my favorite places,

the fallen down log cabin where my

dad grew up. There was a shed still

standing there, where I went often

to sit and listen to the birds, and watch the

squirrels in run and play. There were

plenty of black walnut trees there, so

there was always an abundance of nuts

for the squirrels.

~

I went there, to my special place.

I prayed. I prayed for God to show me

that He really does live and exist.

~

He Came.

 I heard His voice in my head,

telling me He loves me. And Jesus loves me.

There was a rainbow around the sun that day.

~

It was beautiful.

~

My life was never the same since then.

~

The black and white photo at the top is a picture I took close to that

moment where God spoke to me,

at my Special Place.
~

From then on, I knew God would never

abandon me. I KNOW He lives. There

is no question. And I know He takes care

of us, no matter where we are or what

circumstance we’re in.

~

That’s how I know Jesus is Enough.

Christmas is a celebration of His birth.

It’s great to give and get presents at

Christmas.

There’s nothing wrong with

that, I think, as long as everything is

kept in perspective.

~

When you strip it all down to why we

even have Christmas at all, you too will know

that Jesus is Enough.

~

Do you have Jesus in your Heart?

Do you know He still lives?

Do you feel Him tugging on your Heart?

~

He is there. Keep looking, you will

find Him. Keep seeking, keep asking,

Keep Praying. He will show up.

~

Christmas Blessings to You All!

XXOO, BB

Painting of my Special Place